Craig Bruce

When you are finished with it, put it back in the first place that you looked for it.

Liberalism is financed by the dividends from Conservatism.

When trying to locate something, search your mind first.

The difference between being able to understand something and inventing it in the first place… is called genius.

Silence is a statement that is open to gross misinterpretation.

When you talk to yourself, at least you know that someone is listening.

My to-do list is so long that it doesn’t have an end; it has an event horizon.

Something is always simple until you try it.

Even IBM can’t stand in the way of progress… for more than a decade.

If the shoe fits, it is probably worn out.

I am woman, hear me bitch.

It’s a bit odd that nobody seems to be using the correct technical term to describe organized Islamic terrorists. They are not a faction of a religion or a social movement. They are a cult. A suicide cult.

The only people I’ve ever heard saying that disagreeing with Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld is un-American or treasonous are people who disagree with Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld.

It’s funny how most activists are pacifists.

The world is real. Consciousness is the illusion.

The entire universe is working against me. I can’t believe the entire universe could be that foolish!

The people who actually do things always suffer the slings and arrows of those who don’t.

Live every day as if it is your last, and you’ll be correct sooner than you otherwise would be.

Things always look better when you haven’t seen them.

Time is a resource whose supply is inversely proportional to its demand.

Nothing surpasses the beauty and elegance of a bad idea.

When anarchy is declared, the first thing we do, let’s kill all the anarchists.

‘Programming’ is a four-letter word.

Geez, all that money we waste on space exploration; just think how many bombs that would buy!

It’s hardware that makes a machine fast. It’s software that makes a fast machine slow.

You usually have to wait for that which is worth waiting for.

Never question the relevance of truth, but always question the truth of relevance.

1 + 1 = 2. Everything else is derived.

Anything on paper is obsolete!

Supermarket automatic doors open for me; therefore, I am.

I think; therefore, I am the center of the universe.

Now is the time for all good men to run like hell.

Don’t judge a book by its thickness either.

Don’t trust anyone who has been in school for the past 24 consecutive years.

Organizations like the ACLU fought and won the good fight back in the 1960’s, but it’s clear that nowadays they’ve run out of useful things to do since they now spend most of their time defending the scum of the Earth from getting what they rightly deserve.

Yeah, computers are going to take over the programming business because they have become so fast recently that they can solve the Halting Problem in five seconds flat.

Fighting a war on terrorism is like fighting against crime. We can never hope to eradicate crime, so we shouldn’t bother fighting it.

The Thought Police: To censor and protect.

The only thing that is obscene is censorship.

Temporary solutions often become permanent problems.

If I gave a damn what other people think of me, I would be more like other people.

It’s easy to idealize someone that you don’t know.

In order for a man to be truly evil, he must be a woman.

From each according to his ability, to each according to his ability.

Why are people unemployed? Because there is no work. Why is there no work? Because people are not buying products and services. Why are people not buying products and services? Because they have no money. Why do people have no money? Because they are unemployed.

Think Tank, noun: The shower.

I wonder if those people shown protesting the deployment of nuclear weapons to western Europe during the Reagan era are feeling appropriately stupid today. ‘Please don’t take away our precious Soviet Union! – We demand the annihilation of all life on Earth!’

Never underestimate the power of a simple tool.

When shooting in the dark, it is a good idea to use a machine gun.

Whoever invented double clicking should be shot in the head! Twice!

It’s funny how social activists usually protest against the only things that have a credible chance of achieving the activists’ goals.