Simon Cowell

If your lifeguard duties were as good as your singing, a lot of people would be drowning.

You are a saucy little thing aren’t you?

We have hated the French for years. Now you have just joined the club. It makes you much more likable.

The object of this competition is not to be mean to the losers but to find a winner. The process makes you mean because you get frustrated.

If you’ve got a big mouth and you’re controversial, you’re going to get attention.

I have seen that the American Dream is a reality – and I would love to feel the British Dream is also a reality. To enable that, we have to bring back some common sense and encourage family values, a proper sense of justice and make people believe they have a decent chance to build a business or career for themselves. I see this moment as a fantastic opportunity to restore this, because I believe Britain Has Talent.

If I said to most of the people who auditioned, ‘Good job, awesome, well done,’ it would have made me actually look and feel ridiculous. It’s quite obvious most of the people who turned up for this audition were hopeless.

My attitude is, if someone’s going to criticize me, tell me to my face.

When I was young and we got caught pinching apples, we got a smack from the local policeman. Today if that happened he would be sued. There is a tendency to punish the victim, not the criminal. If someone broke into my house or my mum’s house, I worry that the burglar has more rights than me.

Whether they run a record company or a grocery store, every boss will tell you you’re in big trouble if you’re borrowing more than you can ever afford to pay back. Delaying the pain for future generations is suicidal. We’ve got to start getting the deficit down right now, not next year.

I think you have to judge everything based on your personal taste. And if that means being critical, so be it. I hate political correctness. I absolutely loathe it.

The end of the animal trade would leave more time to trap or beat to death pop star wannabes.

My proudest achievement has been the success of the shows and artists I have been involved with, because they were made in Britain.

I think that by ignoring the show you’re ignoring the audience who put you there.

I have always hated celebrities lecturing people on politics. So forgive me. But I am passionate about this country. I am equally passionate about the potential of the people who live here.

I met someone the other night who’s 28 years old, and he hasn’t worked a day since he left college because he’s pursuing a dream he’ll never, ever realize: He thinks he’s a great singer. Actually, he’s crap.

Not everybody is perfect, and I don’t think we should be looking for perfect people.

If we had to choose one American Idol to go out to dinner with, it would be Fantasia. There are no airs and graces about her… I like her.

Shave off your beard and wear a dress. You would be a great female impersonator.

I do a couple of hundred press-ups a day but I haven’t been to a gym in years.

I don’t think I can do this anymore.