I’ve decided to cut out the part of the speech where I say anything nice about Democrats.

Democrats couldn’t care less if people in Indiana hate them. But if Europeans curl their lips, liberals can’t look at themselves in the mirror.

We don’t want someone who will get 98 percent of the vote. We want someone who will get 51 percent of the vote.

Political debate with liberals is basically impossible in America today because liberals are calling names while conservatives are trying to make arguments.

Taxes are like abortion, and not just because both are grotesque procedures supported by Democrats. You’re for them or against them. Taxes go up or down; government raises taxes or lowers them. But Democrats will not let the words “abortion” or “tax hikes” pass their lips.

I’ve decided to cut out the part of the speech where I say anything nice about Democrats.

Four years of Jimmy Carter gave us two titanic Reagan landslides, peace and prosperity for eight blessed years – and even a third term for his feckless vice president, George H.W. Bush.

Even Obama’s staunchest supporters are starting to leave him. Last week Michelle Obama demanded to see a copy of his birth certificate.

Liberal soccer moms are precisely as likely to receive anthrax in the mail as to develop a capacity for linear thinking.

Clinton’s attempt to socialize healthcare was the second most disgusting thing he did in the oval office. I can’t remember was the first thing was.

I might be in favor of national healthcare if it required all Democrats to get their heads examined.

Why couldn’t Obama have picked somebody respectable as his running mate, you know, like John Kerry did?

We should invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity. We weren’t punctilious about locating and punishing only Hitler and his top officers. We carpet-bombed German cities; we killed civilians. That’s war. And this is war.

We’ve finally given liberals a war against fundamentalism, and they don’t want to fight it. They would, except it would put them on the same side as the United States.

When every one of your arguments is characterized an attempt to bring back slavery or resegregate lunch counters, it’s a little hard to have any sort of productive debate.

I love to engage in repartee with people who are stupider than I am.

Whenever a liberal begins a statement with ‘I don’t know which is more frightening,’ you know the answer is going to be pretty clear.

Liberals become indignant when you question their patriotism, but simultaneously work overtime to give terrorists a cushion for the next attack and laugh at dumb Americans who love their country and hate the enemy.

The Democrats have no actual policy proposals of their own unless constant carping counts as a policy.

Democrats always assure us that deterrence will work, but when the time comes to deter, they’re against it.

If only Al Sharpton were around, Lincoln would have known he was a victim of racism.

The really amazing part, to me, was when Florida made it into the Final Four, the Democrats didn’t demand a recount.

Usually the nonsense liberals spout is kind of cute, but in wartime their instinctive idiocy is life-threatening.

In fact Sarah Palin has created more jobs than Obama has. She created eleven jobs fact-checking at the AP just for the Palin autobiography.

If John Kerry had a dollar for every time he bragged about serving in Vietnam – oh wait, he does.

When you try to figure out what the religious right is, it ultimately comes down either to one man, Pat Robertson, or anyone who believes in a higher being and wants their taxes cut.

Ironically, since Obama was elected, for the first time in my life I’m sometimes not proud of my country.

They’ve hit us and we’ve got to hit back hard, and I’m not just talking about the terrorists.

While the form of treachery varies slightly from case to case, liberals always manage to take the position that most undermines American security.

When we were at peace, Democrats wanted to raise taxes. Now there’s a war, so Democrats want to raise taxes. When there was a surplus, Democrats wanted to raise taxes. Now that there is a mild recession, Democrats want to raise taxes.

If we’re so cruel to minorities, why do they keep coming here? Why aren’t they sneaking across the Mexican border to make their way to the Taliban?

The fact that a Republican is in the late Senator Kennedy’s old seat probably must have him rolling in his grave, probably spilling his drink.

Liberals are stalwart defenders of civil liberties – provided we’re only talking about criminals.

I know Jesus Christ died for my sins, and that’s all I really need to know.

If the press really thinks Obama is Lincoln, they ought to treat him like they treated Bush, ’cause that’s how they treated Lincoln. His critics compared Lincoln to an ape; they called him an illiterate baboon.

Whether they are defending the Soviet Union or bleating for Saddam Hussein, liberals are always against America. They are either traitors or idiots, and on the matter of America’s self-preservation, the difference is irrelevant.

I’m not going to be lectured to.

If a university official’s letter accusing a speaker of having a proclivity to commit speech crimes before she’s given the speech – which then leads to Facebook postings demanding that Ann Coulter be hurt, a massive riot and a police-ordered cancellation of the speech – is not hate speech, then there is no such thing as hate speech.

As the leader of twelve apostles, even Jesus had more executive experience than Obama.

The New York Times editorial page is like a Ouija board that has only three answers, no matter what the question. The answers are: higher taxes, more restrictions on political speech and stricter gun control.