Jobs that cannot be delivered must never be promised. It’s unfair to raise people’s hopes that way.

Public misbehavior by the famous is a powerful teaching tool.

Lotsa people want to hurt me. That’s the price you pay for being a big mouth.

Jobs that cannot be delivered must never be promised. It’s unfair to raise people’s hopes that way.

They established their patriotic credentials long ago, and are either supportive of the Bush agenda or know when to keep their traps shut.

This country is a better place because Fox News has succeeded.

Americans will respect your beliefs if you just keep them private.

It’s hard to do it because you gotta look people in the eye and tell ’em they’re irresponsible and lazy. And who’s gonna wanna do that? Because that’s what poverty is, ladies and gentlemen. In this country, you can succeed if you get educated and work hard. Period. Period.

That’s my advice to all homosexuals, whether they’re in the Boy Scouts, or in the Army or in high school: Shut up, don’t tell anybody what you do, your life will be a lot easier.

Yeah, I’m obnoxious, yeah, I cut people off, yeah, I’m rude. You know why? Because you’re busy.

Dan Rather is guilty of not being skeptical enough about a story that was politically loaded.

You want to have two guys making out in front of your 4-year-old? It’s OK with them. A guy smoking a joint, blowing the smoke into your little kid’s face? OK with them. And I’m not exaggerating here. This is exactly what the secular movement stands for.

You could put on monkeys jumping up and down and get bigger numbers than MSNBC.

I’ve been to Africa three times. All right? You can’t bring Western reasoning into the culture. The same way you can’t bring it into fundamental Islam.

If the Americans go in and overthrow Saddam Hussein and it’s clean, he has nothing, I will apologize to the nation, and I will not trust the Bush administration again.

When I die, I don’t want my demise to be used as a political rally, and that’s what happened yesterday.

As the tree is bent, so it will grow.