If you’re poor and you do something stupid, you’re nuts. If you’re rich and do something stupid, you’re eccentric.

Are there any swamps in Oklahoma? Yes, there is. It’s called Tulsa.

You’d have a good voice, if it ever came out of your throat.

There’s only two kinds of music I don’t like… Country and Western.

A friend in need is a pest.

If you’re poor and you do something stupid, you’re nuts. If you’re rich and do something stupid, you’re eccentric.

There’s nothing better than a good, blind referee.

You can win, it’ll just cost you some money.

I’d love to be popular in Barcelona. That sounds like a fun job.

I’m a legend in this sport. If you don’t believe me, ask me.

Hawaii’s the 50th state? I thought it was a suburb of Guam.

North Dakota State. What do you have to do there to graduate? Milk a cow with your left hand?

I know all about cheating. I’ve had six very successful marriages.

Have you ever been to Glens Falls? The city limits signs are on the same post.

The money’s the same, whether you earn it or scam it.

There’s the downtown area of Tupelo. Did you see the skyscrapers? Two stories.

It’s a dog eat dog world, and Mr. Perfect is a Milk Bone.