The secret of successful managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the four guys who haven’t made up their minds.

I don’t know if he throws a spitball but he sure spits on the ball.

Don’t cut my throat, I may want to do that later myself.

I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.

Now there’s three things you can do in a baseball game: You can win or you can lose or it can rain.

Don’t drink in the hotel bar, that’s where I do my drinking.

I don’t like them fellas who drive in two runs and let in three.

Ability is the art of getting credit for all the home runs somebody else hits.

Good pitching will always stop good hitting and vice-versa.

Been in this game one-hundred years, but I see new ways to lose ’em I never knew existed before.

You got to get twenty-seven outs to win.

There are three things you can do in a baseball game. You can win, or you can lose, or it can rain.

Most ball games are lost, not won.

Managing is getting paid for home runs that someone else hits.

I got players with bad watches – they can’t tell midnight from noon.

The secret of successful managing is to keep the five guys who hate you away from the four guys who haven’t made up their minds.

I feel greatly honored to have a ballpark named after me, especially since I’ve been thrown out of so many.

Son, we’d like to keep you around this season but we’re going to try and win a pennant.

The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It’s that they stay out all night looking for it.

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It’s staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.

The team has come along slow but fast.

You have to have a catcher because if you don’t you’re likely to have a lot of passed balls.

Without losers, where would the winners be?

The trick is growing up without growing old.

Never make predictions, especially about the future.

The Yankees don’t pay me to win every day, just two out of three.

Finding good players is easy. Getting them to play as a team is another story.

No baseball pitcher would be worth a darn without a catcher who could handle the hot fastball.

They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that ones who drink milkshakes don’t win many ball games.

They told me my services were no longer desired because they wanted to put in a youth program as an advance way of keeping the club going. I’ll never make the mistake of being seventy again.

There comes a time in every man’s life, and I’ve had plenty of them.

You gotta lose ’em some of the time. When you do, lose ’em right.

I came in here and a fella asked me to have a drink. I said I don’t drink. Then another fella said hear you and Joe DiMaggio aren’t speaking and I said I’ll take that drink.

You have to go broke three times to learn how to make a living.

Oldtimers, weekends, and airplane landings are alike. If you can walk away from them, they’re successful.

I was not successful as a ball player, as it was a game of skill.

Sure I played, did you think I was born at the age of 70 sitting in a dugout trying to manage guys like you?

If we’re going to win the pennant, we’ve got to start thinking we’re not as good as we think we are.

The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn’t argue with one. I’d put my arms around her and give her a little kiss.

They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What’s funny about that?

If you’re playing baseball and thinking about managing, you’re crazy. You’d be better off thinking about being an owner.

Two hundred million Americans, and there ain’t two good catchers among ’em.

Most games are lost, not won.

The Mets have shown me more ways to lose than I even knew existed.

If you’re so smart, let’s see you get out of the Army.

When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you’re older you begin to get credit for virtues you never possessed. It evens itself out.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

You gotta learn that if you don’t get it by midnight, chances are you ain’t gonna get it, and if you do, it ain’t worth it.

It’s wonderful to meet so many friends that I didn’t used to like.