I don’t know if my looks will ever get any better, but my pratfalls sure won’t.

I don’t know if my looks will ever get any better, but my pratfalls sure won’t.

I think the Clintons are brilliant. I’ve never met a person as intelligent as Bill, and I think Hillary is right up there with him. They’re too smart for Washington.

There are very few solid family films. A lot of the writing is awful.

I was always the guy getting kicked out of my classes at school for having an attitude problem.

I have three daughters. I wanted them to be raised where there are real seasons and where everyone their age wasn’t trying to get into movies.

It took me 20 years of making movies to learn how to do it.

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

Most of the films I’ve done were ruined in the postproduction, not during filming.

All my children inherited perfect pitch.

With Clinton, there’s no question that I would have made fun of his out-and-out lying. But he’s also a good friend.

The best comedy I ever did was when people didn’t know who I was.

You may have read that I went to M.I.T. In 1982 I filled out a Who’s Who survey with joking responses, and they never bothered to check the facts.

It’s never a good idea for a celebrity to sign autographs or take pictures if a crowd is gathering.

I learned a lot about handling fans from established stars.

Television doesn’t make stars. It’s the written media, the press, that makes stars.

Anyone who wants to run has to be a Jimmy Swaggart, minus the default.

I tell the person I won’t take a picture or sign the autograph, but I will shake their hand. That kind of personal touch is all they’re really seeking.

The first thing that happens is that you’re overwhelmed by so much attention. It’s just so unnatural. Only people who’ve been in that position can realize what it’s like. I mean, you have to be there.

They can’t make any of these talented young actors Fletch. You might as well make a movie called Chevy Chase.

Every Vacation movie didn’t just make the studio money. They each made the studio a lot of money.

Last good pratfall I did, I broke bones in both hands. I still feel it when people shake my hand.

I’m Chevy Chase, and you’re not.

I made about 28 movies, and I think about five of them were good.

The fact was, Ford kept stumbling around. I didn’t want him in the White House. I wanted Carter in, and I had a forum of 20 million people watching.

If you’re in the White House, it’s your house, and you can invite whatever friend you want.

Once I got married and had kids, I moved away from romantic roles, because it seemed wrong to have my 3-year-old wondering why Daddy was kissing someone else.

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me.

I watched every single Charlie Chaplin film.

I just went into this business for laughs. I guess I don’t mind being an actor so much now.

We never could have performed live for an hour and a half every week if we were doing drugs.