Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I’m swimming, sometimes I’m not sure which one it is.
Meaning of the quote
Swimming can be tricky because sometimes you do it just for enjoyment, but other times you do it to stay alive. It's not always clear which one it is, even when you're the one swimming.
About Demetri Martin
Demetri Martin is a versatile American entertainer known for his deadpan comedy, musical routines, and satirical cartoons. He was a contributor on The Daily Show and has also voiced the character of Ice Bear in the Cartoon Network series, We Bare Bears.
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I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that’s to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn’t know if someone was stuttering. ‘Yes, hello I’d like some b-batteries.’ ‘What kind?’ ‘B-batteries.’ ‘What kind?’ ‘B-batteries!’ and D-batteries that’s hard for foreigners. ‘Yes, I would like de batteries.’
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A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he’s persuasive.
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I love women, but I feel like you can’t trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog’s name. Then I said, ‘Does he bite?’ She said, ‘No.’ And I said, ‘Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?’ Liar.
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People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they’re very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they’re kind of hard to tell apart – especially if the human is kind of hairy.
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If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d probably just start calling out letters.
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Whenever I’m on my computer, I don’t type ‘lol’. I type ‘lqtm’ – laugh quietly to myself. It’s more honest.
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Saying, ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying, ‘ I apologize.’ Except at a funeral.
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A lot of people like lollipops. I don’t like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don’t need a handle. Just give me the candy.
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I think it’s interesting that ‘cologne’ rhymes with ‘alone.’
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