Child! Do not throw this book about; refrain from the unholy pleasure of cutting all the pictures out.

Of all fatiguing, futile, empty trades, the worst, I suppose, is writing about writing.

Is there no Latin word for Tea? Upon my soul, if I had known that I would have let the vulgar stuff alone.

I’m tired of love; I’m still more tired of rhyme; but money gives me pleasure all the time.

It is sometimes necessary to lie damnably in the interests of the nation.

Loss and possession, death and life are one, There falls no shadow where there shines no sun.

When friendship disappears then there is a space left open to that awful loneliness of the outside world which is like the cold space between the planets. It is an air in which men perish utterly.

The microbe is so very small: You cannot take him out at all.

Oh, my friends, be warned by me, That breakfast, dinner, lunch and tea, Are all human frame requires.

When I am dead, I hope it may be said: His sins were scarlet, but his books were read.

Be content to remember that those who can make omelettes properly can do nothing else.

Child! Do not throw this book about; refrain from the unholy pleasure of cutting all the pictures out.

I am writing a book about the Crusades so dull that I can scarcely write it.

Every major question in history is a religious question. It has more effect in molding life than nationalism or a common language.

Statistics are the triumph of the quantitative method, and the quantitative method is the victory of sterility and death.

We wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.

All men have an instinct for conflict: at least, all healthy men.

An institute run with such knavish imbecility that if it were not the work of God it would not last a fortnight.

The moment a man talks to his fellows he begins to lie.

The grace of God is courtesy.

I have wandered all my life, and I have also traveled; the difference between the two being this, that we wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.

Just as there is nothing between the admirable omelet and the intolerable, so with autobiography.

It is the best of all trades, to make songs, and the second best to sing them.

Money gives me pleasure all the time.

From quiet homes and first beginning, out to the undiscovered ends, there’s nothing worth the wear of winning, but laughter and the love of friends.

Any subject can be made interesting, and therefore any subject can be made boring.