One disadvantage of being a hog is that at any moment some blundering fool may try to make a silk purse out of your wife’s ear.

John Cameron Andrieu Bingham Michael Morton, better known by his preferred abbreviation J. B. Morton (7 June 1893 – 10 May 1979), was an English humorous writer noted for authoring a column called “By the Way” under the pen name ‘Beachcomber’ in the Daily Express from 1924 to 1975.
G. K. Chesterton described Morton as “a huge thunderous wind of elemental and essential laughter”; according to Evelyn Waugh, he had “the greatest comic fertility of any Englishman”.