In my last year of school, I was voted Class Optimist and Class Pessimist. Looking back, I realize I was only half right.

Just let the wardrobe do the acting.

I don’t have any fear of intimacy, but rather thrive on it, which is rare in a public person.

I learned a long time ago in Hollywood that the only person I should vote for is myself.

I’ll tell you one thing: Don’t ever give anybody your best advice, because they’re not going to follow it.

Because you know, down deep in my heart, when all is said and done, I still live under the illusion that basically people think of me as an up-and-coming young actor.

Well, a girlfriend once told me never to fight with anybody you don’t love.

There’s only two people in your life you should lie to… the police and your girlfriend.

I don’t have any plugs or tucks but people do what they want. I look at it as mutilation.

Age is the first limitation on roles that I’ve ever had to encounter, and I hit that awhile ago.

When I am cast in a movie where I feel that the woman’s part is more interesting, I usually start thinking about Spencer Tracy and Fred Astaire. They seem to be the most clear actors when working with women.

I never had a policy about marriage. I got married very young in life and I always think in all relationships, I’ve always thought that it’s counterproductive to have a theory on that.

Most of the early part of an actor’s career, you do the jobs you get.

Financially, I’ve lost money and made money, but I know my way around financially.

I sort of understood that when I first started: that you shouldn’t repeat a success. Very often you’re going to, and maybe the first time you do, it works. And you love it. But then you’re trapped.

People who speak in metaphors should shampoo my crotch.

It’s a slight stretch of the imagination but most people are alike in most ways so I’ve never had any trouble identifying with the character that I’m playing.

In this industry, there are only two ways up the ladder. Rung by rung or claw your way to the top. It’s sure been tough on my nails.

The minute that you’re not learning I believe you’re dead.

When I was in high school, I earned the pimple award and every other gross-out award.

I’m an actor who they said was wrinkled and balding and everything else when I was in my early 30’s. Most of the people who wrote that who thought they were younger than me are now bald and wrinkled.

A star on a movie set is like a time bomb. That bomb has got to be defused so people can approach it without fear.

I used to think that one of the great signs of security was the ability to just walk away.

Frankly, I got into the movies because I like the movies a lot.

Well, a younger woman is a type, but not necessarily a type for me. And what is a younger woman? I mean, I’m pretty old. Almost everyone is younger.

The blues and jazz will live forever… So will the Delta and the Big Easy.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

In my last year of school, I was voted Class Optimist and Class Pessimist. Looking back, I realize I was only half right.

What’s beautiful is all that counts, pal. That’s ALL that counts.

I don’t want people to know what I’m actually like. It’s not good for an actor.

I think that’s what distinguishes Schmidt, really. In the movies now, so much of what is appealing to an audience is the dramatic or has to do with science fiction, and Schmidt is simply human. There’s no melodrama; there’s no device, It’s just about a human being.

I only take Viagra when I’m with more than one woman.

I’m Irish. I think about death all the time.

Early on, if I was alone two three nights in a row, I’d start writing poems about suicide.

Acting is everybody’s favorite second job.

I’m the last guy in the world to feel overlooked by the Academy.

We are going as fast as we can as soon as we can. We’re in a race against time, until we run out of money.

My whole career strategy has been to build a base so that I could take the roles I want to play. I’d hate to think that a shorter part might not be available because I was worried about my billing.

Once you’ve been really bad in a movie, there’s a certain kind of fearlessness you develop.

I have a lot of vanity.

In other words, I wouldn’t like to be an actor if I could only be real. I like to get wild, behaviorally wild, and it’s crazy to think of any form where it’s just one way.

I know I can act. There aren’t too many other jobs I know how to do.

Beer, it’s the best damn drink in the world.

There is no way you can get people to believe you on screen if they know who you really are through television.

I’m not hard to get along with.

I’ve been too many places. I’m like the bad penny.

Well, I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I haven’t been a rogue most of my life.

I’m a New Wave baby, so I got very stimulated by foreign film.

With my sunglasses on, I’m Jack Nicholson. Without them, I’m fat and 60.

I’ve never been able to say I’ve been influenced by a list of artists I like because I like thousands and thousands and I’ve been influenced in some way by all of them.