If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.

Richard Pryor is, in my mind, the most honest comedian. He bared his soul to people. I think that’s why everybody loved him so much.

Being a celebrity or anything else where you’re really ambitious, it’s really a game to see how successful you can get.

To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don’t really worry that much about what other people think of me.

The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don’t know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.

People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it.

The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone.

The Comedy Store in LA, it’s a really loose room and it’s really dark and creepy and a great place to explore your own thoughts onstage.

I’m a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generation, and Groucho is certainly one of them.

My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they’re my best friends.

After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It’s very weird.

Dick Gregory was a great comedian who went and got arrested, did hunger strikes, protests. It never hurt his career to be outspoken.

Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD.

That’s my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

I wouldn’t totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I’m not going to go out of my way.

Comedy is really not like any other art form in that it’s very specialized and varied in it’s content, but generic in it’s title.

I don’t care if you’re gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It’s all an illusion.

People for the most part can smell lies.

I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never seen anything even remotely close to as funny as Richard Pryor was, just standing there talking.

If you are the greatest, why would you go around talking about it?

I talk so much about sex that girls just want to meet me.

It’s painful for me to watch someone who isn’t funny. It’s horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.

The audience changes every night. You’re the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh.

If someone plays a brooding actor in a film, people think they’re brooding all the time.

It never hurt Lenny Bruce’s career to get arrested for swearing. It did back in the time, but he broke those doors down by doing the stuff that he believed in.

I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.

Have you ever talked to someone, and you’re not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that.

I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig.

Never stay in a bad marriage, and don’t hang around with psycho coke fiends.

When someone comes along and expresses him or herself as freely as they think, people flock to it. They enjoy it.

If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.

Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.