I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you’ve ever heard.

I’m on every worst-dressed list imaginable.

My act has always reflected what’s going on in my life.

So I wonder if anything should ever be off limits.

I’m also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It’s going to be a spoof of Biography.

My act is based on my life.

I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It’s definitely rated R.

I love Mariah Carey. Remember the breakdown? I loved the breakdown.

I don’t like doing movies, period. Movies are hard. I like TV.

No, I love Montreal… I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me… I love the food there.

Food is my thing, I do not smoke or drink, so food is my vice.

The thing that cracks me up is how these reality characters start out thrilled and excited just to be on television, and how they move to thinking they are as big as the Friends.

The thing that bums me out about ‘The Real World’ is I don’t want to believe that teenagers are that stupid.

If you see me on Friday, you’ll see different material on Saturday night.

Well, my whole thing with gossip is I couldn’t care less if it’s true.

I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you’ve ever heard.

That’s what I loved about Temptation Island. I don’t even know why they did it.

I also love Mole, the unsung hero of reality programming.

I think a Celebrity Survivor would be great.

Have I gone too far?

I love to make fun of fashion because it is just so silly.

Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I’m not going to let that stand.

It was a nightmare having cameras in the house 10 hours a day for a month.

I’m not always in that good with middle-aged heterosexual men.

A lot of celebrities, especially when you’re talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them.

I’m basically always on tour.

I do road gigs occasionally but I don’t want to go out on the road for months at a time.

I’m always listening and watching; my ear is like a boom mike. And judging, frankly. Constantly judging.

I actually have to pick and chose stuff that I know I’m going to bomb at.

I hate it, it is tedious… when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style.

A lot of stars don’t have a sense of humor.

That’s life when you’re on the D-list.

I am in love with Larry David.

So yes, I say things I regret constantly, and I just can’t help it.

The beauty about the D-list is that people who are on it probably don’t know they are.

But if something funny happens, I can’t resist. I have to tell the people.