If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.

The desire to get married, which – I regret to say, I believe is basic and primal in women – is followed almost immediately by an equally basic and primal urge – which is to be single again.

In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind.

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

With any child entering adolescence, one hunts for signs of health, is desperate for the smallest indication that the child’s problems will never be important enough for a television movie.

I don’t care who you are. When you sit down to write the first page of your screenplay, in your head, you’re also writing your Oscar acceptance speech.

My mother was a good recreational cook, but what she basically believed about cooking was that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you.

My mother wanted us to understand that the tragedies of your life one day have the potential to be comic stories the next.

I am continually fascinated at the difficulty intelligent people have in distinguishing what is controversial from what is merely offensive.

Summer bachelors, like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.

What my mother believed about cooking is that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you.

Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy.

If pregnancy were a book they would cut the last two chapters.

What will happen to sex after liberation? Frankly, I don’t know. It is a great mystery to all of us.

Beware of men who cry. It’s true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own.

As far as the men who are running for president are concerned, they aren’t even people I would date.

I try to write parts for women that are as complicated and interesting as women actually are.

Whenever I get married, I start buying Gourmet magazine.