Any man who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

This music won’t do. There’s not enough sarcasm in it.

Don’t pay any attention to the critics – don’t even ignore them.

I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.

I never put on a pair of shoes until I’ve worn them at least five years.

I was always an independent, even when I had partners.

Ill give you a definite maybe.

That’s the trouble with directors. Always biting the hand that lays the golden egg.

The scene is dull. Tell him to put more life into his dying.

No agency is better than its account executives.

A Hospital is no place to be sick.

Give me a couple of years, and I’ll make that actress an overnight success.

Include me out.

Modern dancing is old fashioned.

I read part of it all the way through.

A bachelor’s life is no life for a single man.

If people don’t want to go to the picture, nobody can stop them.

I seriously object to seeing on the screen what belongs in the bedroom.

The harder I work, the luckier I get.

You’ve got to take the bitter with the sour.

Pictures are for entertainment, messages should be delivered by Western Union.

A wide screen just makes a bad film twice as bad.

Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day.

I want everyone to tell me the truth, even if it costs him his job.

I’ll take fifty percent efficiency to get one hundred percent loyalty.

The reason so many people turned up at his funeral is that they wanted to make sure he was dead.

If Roosevelt were alive today, he’d turn over in his grave.

Go see it and see for yourself why you shouldn’t go see it.

It’s absolutely impossible, but it has possibilities.

I hate a man who always says “yes” to me. When I say “no” I like a man who also says “no.”

Why should people go out and pay money to see bad films when they can stay at home and see bad television for nothing?

Let’s have some new cliches.

Please write music like Wagner, only louder.

Every director bites the hand that lays the golden egg.

Color television! Bah, I won’t believe it until I see it in black and white.

Any man who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.

Too caustic? To hell with the costs, we’ll make the picture anyway.

If I could drop dead right now, I’d be the happiest man alive.

From success you get a lot of things, but not that great inside thing that love brings you.

I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn’t like it.

It’s more than magnificent – it’s mediocre.

God makes stars. I just produce them.

We want a story that starts out with an earthquake and works its way up to a climax.

If I look confused it is because I am thinking.

I can give you a definite perhaps.

A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.

Don’t worry about the war. It’s all over but the shooting.

Our comedies are not to be laughed at.

When someone does something good, applaud! You will make two people happy.

For your information, I would like to ask a question.

I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they’re dead.

I think luck is the sense to recognize an opportunity and the ability to take advantage of it… The man who can smile at his breaks and grab his chances gets on.

I never liked you, and I always will.

Here I am paying big money to you writers and what for? All you do is change the words.

No person who is enthusiastic about his work has anything to fear from life.

I’m willing to admit that I may not always be right, but I am never wrong.

Spare no expense to save money on this one.

Television has raised writing to a new low.

We’re overpaying him, but he’s worth it.