My children, Michael and Alex, are with our Heavenly Father now, and I know that they will never be hurt again. As a mom, that means more than words could ever say.

It hurts real bad to have that protection barrier between parent and child.

I don’t know why I did it.

I know that my life is going to be hell from here on.

Michael and Alex, I love you. And we’re going to have the biggest celebration when you get home.

I have put my faith in the Lord, and I really believe He’s taking care of them. They’re too beautiful and precious that He’s not going to let anything happen to them.

I dropped to the lowest point when I allowed my children to go down that ramp into the water without me.

I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive myself for what I have done.

I was in love with someone very much, but he didn’t love me and never would. I had a very difficult time accepting that. But I had hurt him very much, and I could see why he could never love me.

I felt like things could never get any worse.

My children deserve to have the best, and now they will.

I am sorry for what has happened and I know that I need some help.

At this very moment, I don’t feel I will be able to handle what’s coming.

I knew from day one, the truth would prevail, but I was so scared I didn’t know what to do.

I broke down on Thursday, Nov. 3, and told Sheriff Howard Wells the truth. It wasn’t easy, but after the truth was out, I felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders.

Why was I feeling this way? Why was everything so bad in my life? I had no answers to these questions.

When I get out… if I get out of here, I hope that maybe we can get back together and have more kids.

I know now that it is going to be a tough and long road ahead of me.

I have prayed to God that he give me the strength to survive each day and to face those times in my life that will be extremely painful. I have put my total faith in God, and he will take care of me.

I wanted to end my life so bad and was in my car ready to go down that ramp into the water, and I did go part way, but I stopped. I went again and stopped. I then got out of the car and stood by the car a nervous wreck.

When I left home, I was going to ride around a little while and then go to my mom’s. As I rode and rode and rode, I felt even more anxiety coming upon me about not wanting to live.

I don’t get to go out but an hour a day.

I felt I couldn’t be a good mom anymore, but I didn’t want my children to grow up without a mom. I felt I had to end our lives to protect us from any grief or harm.

I love my children. That will never change. I have prayed to them for forgiveness and hope that they will forgive me. I never meant to hurt them!!

The hardest part of this whole ordeal is not knowing if your children are getting what they need to survive.

I had never felt so lonely and so sad in my entire life.

My children, Michael and Alex, are with our Heavenly Father now, and I know that they will never be hurt again. As a mom, that means more than words could ever say.