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Home
Authors
Chris Rock
Comedian
About the author
Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
#Right
#Now
#Movies
#Job
You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
#Taxes
Yeah, I love being famous. It's almost like being white, y'know?
Chris Rock,
Comedian
#Love
#Being
#Famous
Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!
Chris Rock,
Comedian
#Dance
#American
#Singing
Welcome to the 77th and last Oscars.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
#People
Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
#People
#Population
#states
#United
#Sports
A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
#College
A man is only as faithful as his options.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
#Man
#Options
School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
#Man
#School
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
#Woman
Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
#Being
#Favorite
#Drugs
I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
#Right
#Now
#Life
#Stupidity
Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
#Control
George Bush hates midgets.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
#Right
#People
#Gay
I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
#Want
#Business
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
Chris Rock,
Comedian
#Food
#Women
#Water
#Compliments