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Home
Authors
Milton Berle
American
Comedian
About the author
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting.
Milton Berle,
American
Comedian
#Husband
If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
Milton Berle,
American
Comedian
#Opportunity
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.
Milton Berle,
American
Comedian
#Television
The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.
Milton Berle,
American
Comedian
#Company
Poverty is not a disgrace, but it's terribly inconvenient.
Milton Berle,
American
Comedian
#Poverty
#Disgrace
Laughter is an instant vacation.
Milton Berle,
American
Comedian
#Laughter
#Vacation
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
Milton Berle,
American
Comedian
#Evolution
#Mothers
I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.
Milton Berle,
American
Comedian
I live to laugh, and I laugh to live.
Milton Berle,
American
Comedian
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Milton Berle,
American
Comedian
#Tax
#Income
Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.
Milton Berle,
American
Comedian
#Experience
#Name
A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.
Milton Berle,
American
Comedian
#Committee
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
Milton Berle,
American
Comedian
#Man
#Congress
Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.
Milton Berle,
American
Comedian