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Home
Authors
Robert Orben
American
Entertainer
About the author
Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#God
#People
Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Will
#Health
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#World
#Feeling
#Deep
#Countries
Spring is God's way of saying, 'One more time!'
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#God
#Saying
#Spring
There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Now
#Pollution
Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Time
#Flies
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Blame
#Computer
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Washington
#Taxes
#Politicians
What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they'd bust it to Corporal!
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Luck
Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Time
#Success
#Failure
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#People
#Food
#Health
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Success
#Students
#Key
#Ceremony
#Graduation
A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Nothing
#Day
#Vacation
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Children
Do your kids a favor - don't have any.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Kids
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#People
#Work
#Day
#America
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#People
#Work
#America
Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it's filled with wisdom. Sometimes it's filled with feet.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Feet
#Wisdom
Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Love
#First
Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Right
#Feeling
#Reason
#Elections
More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Americans
#Suffering
#Taxes
I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Day
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Life
#Mother
#Father
#Credit
#Cards
Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Inflation
Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Time
#Democracy
#First
#History
#Selling
#Inflation
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee - or laugh.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Fight
#Humor
#Choices
#Mankind
#Crisis
Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#states
#United
If you can laugh together, you can work together.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Work
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#Children
#Home
Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.
Robert Orben,
American
Entertainer
#People
#Temptation