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Home
Authors
Robin Williams
American
Comedian
About the author
Carpe per diem - seize the check.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
Cricket is basically baseball on valium.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Baseball
#Cricket
Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Business
#Ethics
#Giving
Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#God
Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Man
#Word
#Meaning
#Divorce
The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Want
#Saying
#Baseball
#Liberty
#Poor
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Madness
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Water
#Drinks
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Nothing
When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Family
When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?'
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Question
#Media
#Answers
When in doubt, go for the dick joke.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Doubt
What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Right
#Wrong
We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Years
Comedy is acting out optimism.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Acting
#Comedy
#Optimism
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Night
#Gay
I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic region covered with ice.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Country
The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Right
The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Love
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#World
#Women
I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Women
#Wine
We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#President
#Pretty
#English
#Language
#Dictators
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Network
I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Right
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Nothing
#Fight
#Ugly
No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Words
#People
#World
#Ideas
#Change
People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#People
#Living
#Satire
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#People
#Reality
#Drugs
Reality: What a concept!
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Time
#God
#Men
#Blood
Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#Saying
#Nature
#Spring
Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.
Robin Williams,
American
Comedian
#People
#Reason