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Home
Authors
Ryan Stiles
American
Actor
About the author
If I were like your mother, I would be a woman.
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
#Woman
#Mother
You know, I've got a confession to make myself. I'm not really a priest, I've just got my shirt on backwards.
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
#Confession
When it comes to making love, I may not be the best, but I'm damn gouda.
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
#Love
#May
What do I do when we're not taping? Sit in a dark room and refine my plans for someday ruling Earth from a blimp. And chess.
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
#Earth
#Chess
The sky, the sky beyond the door is blue.
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
#Sky
The first rule to living in America is 'Stop tap dancing, you fool!'.
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
#First
#Living
#Dancing
#America
That is raw dough. Never eat raw dough. They can make worms in your tummy. Worms in your tummy.
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
Never trust sheep.
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
#Sheep
#Trust
Never interrupt me when I'm eating a banana.
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
#Eating
I look like Walt Disney just threw up.
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
#Disney
If I were but a man who would be tall, I would be me.
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
#Man
I can't sprinkle sprinkles on. I lose control when I have sprinkles. I'm shaky. I still remember the great sprinkle accident of 1982.
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
#Control
#Accident
I'd rather drive the yellow brick road, you wouldn't happen to know of a rental car place around.
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
#Car
#Road
I'm going to buy some green bananas because by the time I get home they'll be ripe.
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
#Time
#Home
I'm Jim Phillips, I have multiple personalities. I'm also a skindiver, a puppeteer, and I was the tenth president of the United States.
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
#President
#states
#United
If I could rap, that would be a sensation, but I can't, you see, I'm just a Caucasian.
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
#Rap
If I were a man with gills, I would be a fish!
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
#Man
If I were as much of a man as my woman, I'd be my wife.
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor
#Wife
#Man
#Woman
Back off or the lizard gets it!
Ryan Stiles,
American
Actor