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Home
Authors
Spike Milligan
Irish
Comedian
About the author
I thought I'd begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
#Thought
#Reading
#Shakespeare
I'm a hero with coward's legs.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
I'm not afraid of dying I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
#Want
#Dying
Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
#Order
It was a perfect marriage. She didn't want to and he couldn't.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
#Want
#Marriage
It's all in the mind, you know.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
#Mind
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
#Influence
#Father
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
#Money
#Misery
#Happiness
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
#Army
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe's singing until somebody told me that it wasn't a joke.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
#Years
#Singing
Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
#Enemy
#Friends
#Money
#Class
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
#Cure
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
For ten years Caesar ruled with an iron hand. Then with a wooden foot, and finally with a piece of string.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
#Years
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
#God
#Light
#Electricity
All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
#Chance
#Money
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
#Old
#Body
I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
Spike Milligan,
Irish
Comedian
#Right